I tried to watch it live, or as live as NBC was going to make it, which I think was a 6 hour delay or something. Not even five minutes in I set the DVR to record it and changed the channel. Turn of #1: the narrators at the beginning of the program with in and out British accents, trying to pump up the Olympics. It was awful and I decided I would just wait it out and watch when I could fast forward past the boring parts.
Cue Saturday evening. I plop my self down on the couch, remote in hand, finger poised over the fast forward button, and I have have to fast forward through the first fifteen minutes or so. The queen making James Bond wait before climbing into a helicopter and then parachuting from the helicopter into the stadium was kind of cool. She didn't look too happy to be there otherwise. Of course she's getting old, it was probably kind of chilly, as the commenters kept reminding us, and it was late. Plus all she ever does when she goes out in public is smile and wave, so if I was her, I'd look grouchy too.
Fast forward through commercials.
People walking around with sheep and cows.
Now there are smoke stacks coming out of the ground while a thousand miserable looking people tear up the grass and pull levers and look miserable. Meanwhile 5 guys in top hats walk around waving their hands in the air. I think they're dancing.
Kids in beds while doctors and nurses (real sick kids, and real doctors and nurses as the commentors made sure to tell us five times) dance around while lights on the beds spell NHS. As an American with certain political leanings, I'm jealous.
The kids fall asleep, there's what I think are nightmares. A REALLY creepy Queen of Hearts rises out of a bed. It's far creepier than the giant Voldemort. Then twenty Mary Poppins' fly in and kind of wave their umbrellas at Voldemort and vanquish him. I say:
I mean, if you're going to take the time to have Mary Poppins fight Voldemort, you could at least have lasers shoot out of her umbrella.
Mr. Bean. Chariots of Fire. That is all.
Something about a girl losing her phone and a guy finds it. Lots of dancing. My question is the guy finds her by calling her on a cell phone. Who's phone is she on? Did he just call one of her contacts who just happened to be with her at the giant 50 year British music dance-off?
Interviews with gymnasts. Fast forward.
Parade of Nations! We make it halfway through the Bs before more commercials.
As the Parade goes on, more and more commercials get squeezed in. Two countries go by, commercials. Three more countries, commercials. My finger and the fast forward button get acquainted real quick.
Finally we get to the United States and the cameras linger on the athletes and Uzbekistan, and other U countries get ignored.
Finally the host country, Great Britain, which caused me to wonder "Do Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland not have their own Olympic teams?" I don't know enough about how the whole Great Britain, United Kingdom, Commonwealth thing works, (in fact all I know of modern Britain comes from Doctor Who), but if Torchwood: Miracle Day taught me anything, you will still get punched in the face if you call a Welsh woman English.
Announcement that Sir Paul McCartney will be singing. I hit stop on the remote and when the tv asks if I want to delete the program, I hit yes.
And that is what I got out of the London Olympics Opening Ceremony.
BTW: WTF is these things supposed to be?