Warning: Spoiler Alert for anyone who reads this but hasn't seen the show. Don't bitch to me if I ruin the ending for you. I TOLD YOU.
The last we saw of Bon Tempes, the town was reeling from the discovery that an innocuous side character was a serial killer. Beel and Sookeh were still making googly eyes at each other; Tara was drunk driving and nearly ran over a naked lady with a pig on a leash; Jason was racked with guilt about killing Poor Eddie the vampire, and the murder of V addicted girlfriend by his best friend; Sam was sad because he was the only shifter in town; and Lafayette was abducted by vampires in retaliation for selling V. Which brings us to this Awesomeness:
Jason in his finite wisdom, decides that the best way to get over his V addiction and guilt is to join a cult called the Fellowship of the Sun. He goes to live at the main church to learn how to be a warrior for God against the Evil Undead Menace. He very quickly becomes a favorite of the head of the church due to his fanaticism, athleticism and devotion the cause. Not so much for his brains. At one point he takes the position that Jesus Christ was the first vampire. Of course the Pastor has a hot wife, and of course Jason wastes no time in getting busy. You can't blame it all on Jason, the wife is a piece of work.
Tara gets bailed out by pig lady and goes to live in her fancy house. Pig Lady's name is Maryanne and you can tell right off she's not right. I'm just going to get this right out, because this was the dumbest story line of the season, Maryanne is a maenad, whatever the hell that is, who is trying to hasten the return of her god. This involves orgies, a Statue of Liberty made of meat, and the blood of a shape shifter so that Sam has something to do this season. And there's a guy named Eggs who serves no purpose whatsoever except to make Tara fall in love with him just so the writers can crap on her even harder.
Jessica reenters the picture. Harken back to the days of old when I mentioned Bill having to create a new vampire to replace the one he killed. He is forced to create her, and has no interest in taking care of her, so she's dumped on Eric and Pam. She behaves so much like a spoiled brat teen that Eric dumps her back on Bill. Bill is a total wet blanket and won't let her drain humans, so Jessica spends most of Season 2 learning to like True Blood (the drink) and Hoyt. It's been a couple of paragraphs since I posted a picture, so here's Jessica:
Let's see what also happened....
Ok. So, Godric is missing. It doesn't really matter where he fits into the vampire hierarchy. He's 2,000 years old and the Maker of Eric. Vampires have an unbreakable bond with their Makers, so Eric is really keen to find out what happened to Godric. It's suspected that Godric has fallen afoul of some dastardly humans. So Eric, Bill and Sookie pack off to Dallas with Jessica in tow. While in the big city they get to hobnob with some city slicker vampires, stay at a vampire hotel, and come up with a harebrained scheme to have Sookie infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun to find out what happened to Godric. Of course she is immediately found out and imprisoned in the basement. Just as soon as a Bad Man tries to hurt her Godric shows up to save the day. Which leads me to this: early in the season we were led be believe that Godric is a blood thirsty, violent phantasm with little regard for human life. He turns Eric after dismembering his companions. So we're all excited to meet this guy:
I call Shenanigans! Shenanigans I say! HBO, I want my money back even though I watched all of Season 2 on a one month free trial from Insight. You're killing me. Godric was supposed to rip some heads off, instead he makes some vaguely zen comments about living too long and kills himself. Whatever. Back to the orgies.
So Bon Tempes is in the midst of an orgy epidemic, and the only people who can stop it are Jason, now back on the wide and crooked path, and bumbling Deputy Andy. Sookie is abducted by Maryanne, because that's what Sookie does best, and a plan is concocted to distract the townspeople so Bill can save her. It gets really weird, people licking ostrich eggs and such, until Sam turns into a white bull and impales Maryanne. Bill fits in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I remember where.
So everything improbably goes back to normal, except that Deputy Andy accidentally shoots Eggs, setting Tara up for her worst season yet.
Last 10 minutes of the last episode, Bill asks Sookie to marry him and is promptly abducted by werewolves.
Next time on Swiss Cheese Theater, True Blood Season Three: WTF--Fairies?