Previously, on True Blood: Tara is distraught over the death of Eggs. Bill is kidnapped by werewolves. These two facts are the impetus for the main plot of the third season. HOWEVER, there's a bunch of other shit going on that I'm sure we all could have died happy not ever having to live through. So let me get through that real quick.
Sam decides to go find his family. They turn out to be the Mickens clan, a group of people so white trash that other white trash look down on them. The mom and brother are shape shifters, while the dad is just a regular asshole human. They spend the season milking Sam for all he's worth.
Jason covers for Deputy Andy (is he Sherriff Andy now? I know the last sherriff just up and quick because he was tired of all the dead bodies piling up) killing Eggs, and then tries to blackmail Andy into making him a police officer. He also falls in love with a werepanther-yes I said werepanther-who comes from a backwoods, inbred, meth cooking commune. I'm not going to waste much more time even thinking about this, because it makes me all ragey how badly handled this was. It seems from perusing a few websites that Alan Ball was trying to cram 2 or 3 books into one season and did a piss poor job of it. It did give us one good moment, when Eric refers to the men of the group as "brother-cousins".
Jessica decides that True Blood just doesn't cut it and starts hunting again, kills a guy and calls Pam for help. Pam gives her a primer in the dismemberment and disposal of vampire victims. Other than that bit of fun, Jessica spends most of her time either loving Hoyt or breaking up with him.
Lafayette gets a boyfried, Jesus. Spanish Jesus, not this guy:
although I don't know if Lafayette's crazy, racist, homophobic mom can tell the difference sometimes. It's cute until Jesus takes him on a psychedelic trip that teaches us that Lafayette is a witch. Yup, I said witch.
Now to the main event:
Bill was captured by werewolves working for the King of Mississippi, Russell Edgington. Russell is an ancient and powerful vampire who keeps werewolves as henchmen, which is odd since vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies. Russell wants to consolidate his power by marrying the Queen of Louisiana and wants Bill to help him do it. Bill says no for a while but then goes with the highest bidder and betrays his boss. Sookie in the meantime goes looking for Bill and joins forces with Alcide, this guy:
|It's not my fault he doesn't wear shirts.|
Alcide is a werewolf who owes a debt to Eric. Eric in the meantime discovers that Russell is the same vampire who killed his viking family a thousand years ago, and sets out to destroy him. Eric kills Talbot, Russell's husband/wife/partner--guys help me out here, I'm not sure what the proper term is. This pushes the already teetering Russell over the edge.
Tara meets Franklin Mott, the most entertaining vampire to date. Let's be clear here: Franklin is a homicidal, raping, psychopath, but people tend to forget this. Maybe because of things like this: